In my first article on the importance of relationships, placing high value on all direct and indirect interpersonal relationships was emphasized. The success of each relationship largely depends on what each person is willing to give. One of the most important relationships among humans is the marriage bond. How important is the marriage relationship to you? What can you do to preserve the marriage bond?
Origin of Marriage
MARRIAGE is very much a part of life. After God created the first man, Adam, the animals were brought to him so that he could name them. But for man there was no helper as a complement of him. After that, God went on to create Eve and brought to Adam and performed the first marriage ceremony. Adam was given a wife to be a helper for and a complement of him.
“For this reason a man will leave his father and his mother and will stick to his wife, and the two will be one flesh.”Matthew 19:5
An important purpose of marriage was to populate the earth.Though they loved their parents, sons and daughters would leave them to get married and form new households. Humans would fill the earth to a comfortable degree. The marriage bond was also created so that both mates would daily bring happiness to each other by fulfilling their roles as husband and wife. Even though their later actions brought misery for their offspring, the original purpose of marriage remained.
After the death of Adam and Eve, the marriage bond began to degenerate. First, people began to marry more than one wife, and later even angels came down to earth to marry wives for themselves. As time went bye, men began finding excuses to divorce their wives so as to marry younger women. The marriage bond eventually lost its original flavour.
Marriage is the beginning of the family and is designed to be a life-long commitment. It also provides an opportunity to grow in selflessness as you serve your spouse. Marriage is more than a physical union; it is also a spiritual and emotional union. Marriage is a bond without any comparison. It gives one a life partner and a teammate as both move through the challenges of life together.
The bond of marriage gives both mates the support to defeat temptation by engaging in deep, satisfying love. This is the kind of love that you give to and receive from your mate physically, emotionally, and spiritually. When a marriage produces a child, it is one of life’s greatest blessings. Children raised in a healthy marriage get a front row seat to see and experience the lasting benefits of a strong family.
Marriage is designed to mirror our Creator’s unconditional love for us. It’s a love that will always be there and will never leave us or forsake us. According to allprodad.com, when a man and woman love one another unconditionally, contentment and joy follow. Preserving the marriage bond makes you feel good about yourself.
Nevertheless, these benefits in marriage don’t come for free. Marriage is hard work. Living with someone means taking into account another person’s feelings, moods, needs and desires instead of focusing just on your own. When a person makes an unwise decision when choosing a husband or a wife, he or she may have frustration and sadness.
Some young people start dating before they are ready for the responsibilities of married life. Others find a mate on the Internet. They marry quickly and soon are in an unhappy marriage. Still others get intimate while they are dating, and they start their married life with little respect for each other.
With the fanfare that goes with the marriage proposals and the wedding preparations themselves, people generally conclude that the marriage is going to be huge success. How many actually preserve the marriage bond?
Cracks in Marital Relationships
A marriage is only as good as the foundation on which it rests. If we build our marriage on a solid foundation, it will stand the stresses of life. Circumstances vary considerably in different parts of the earth. In many areas today men and women make their own selection of a marriage mate. But among a considerable part of earth’s population the parents work out the marriage, sometimes through a “matchmaker.” In some areas a man gets a wife only after paying a “bride price” to her parents, and the size of the price may even put the marriage out of the man’s reach.
Despite all the declarations and expressions of love by courting couples, as well as the good wishes from family and friends, many marriages end up in divorce. Some of the reasons for such break ups are serious, but many people seek for divorce over minor reasons. For instance, one of the most common causes of divorce always centers around money issues. Money issues can make married couples crazy because money touches so many parts of all people’s lives.
Again, over time, marriages become less intimate and more about a transition to a deeper and more spiritual kind of love. Intimacy involves paying attention to your spouse. It’s the sign of a healthy marriage to ask about the type of day they’ve had, if they’re worried about something, if they’re hiding little nagging aches and pains, or if they want someone to listen to their problems attentively after a long, hard day. When these small acts of intimacy go away, each partner may feel rejected.
Extramarital affairs are a major reason why people get divorced. The reality is infidelity fundamentally changes your marriage. It erodes trust and leads to a breakdown in communication. Eventually, the marriage dies.
Another cause of divorce is a pattern of domestic abuse, which can be physical, emotional or financial. For many, that’s certainly a valid reason to walk away from the marriage. Yelling, neglect, constant displays of anger, withholding money, vulgar comments, and other negative displays can be just as damaging.
Preserve Your Marriage
Whatever the circumstances around your marriage, following wise counsel can help toward the enduring success of a marriage. Here are some tips to help you preserve the marriage bond.
Be willing to adjust. Be a lifelong learner. If both of you are willing to learn from your mistakes and the challenges in your relationship, you will thrive as individuals and as a couple.
Do not expect perfection from your spouse. In all relationships, both partners will make mistakes. Don’t expect perfection as can destroy what is overall a good, solid, loving relationship. Be kind to yourself and be kind to your sweetheart.
Learn to forgive your spouse and forgive yourself too. A successful marriage is a union of two good forgivers. Be willing to let go of minor offenses, but learn to discuss bigger issues as this will aid the healing process.
Understand your roles and be quick to carry them out. A wife is expected to respect and be kind to her husband and he will cherish her. A husband should love and cherish his wife, and he’s kind to her she will respect him. Respect each other’s feelings at all times.
Don’t consider divorce as on option in your marriage. Don’t even throw around the threat of divorce, even in the heat of an argument. Your marriage is too important and too sacred to threaten to end it over a challenging situation.
Regularly practice displays of affection. You want to keep your relationship exciting? Then consistently spend time and play with your partner. Send each other love texts. Pat him on the butt when you pass him helping out at home. Give her a supporting hand over the chores at home.
Be willing to share your fears with each other. Opening your heart and sharing your tender places with your spouse creates real intimacy and connection. Always be willing to share your true, deep, scary feelings. This helps create a bond that will last. Please know that your fears may look different from your spouse.
Whatever our situation, we should always act in a way that will preserve the marriage bond. If you have challenges in your marriage and feel that leaving your mate is the best option, first honestly examine your reasons. Remember that the ONLY reason to consider divorce as an option is if one mate has committed fornication and the innocent mate does not extend forgiveness.
“Whoever divorces his wife, except on the grounds of [fornication], and marries another commits adultery.”Matthew 19:9
In view of the seriousness of marriage, a woman who wants to be successful in it does well to marry only a man that she can respect. Similarly, a man who takes the success of his marriage seriously will seek a wife that he can love as his own flesh. She should complement him as a partner in establishing a home. Therefore, do all you can to preserve the marriage bond!